應該是過了28、29後就變得不愛穿緊身褲了，而那時已經把大部分的緊身褲都回收了。
I must have stopped liking tight jeans around the age of 28 or 29. By then, I had already given away most of my skinny jeans.
兩三年前買牛仔褲時又買了緊身褲，但穿的次數少之又少。前陣子又穿了一次，發現實在過了習慣束縛的年紀，雖然身材和體重都持平，但我內心已經不習慣穿著好看但不舒適的褲子。於是就毫不猶豫地把它放到舊衣回收桶了。
A couple of years ago, when I bought some new jeans, I got another pair of skinnies, but I wore them only a handful of times. Recently, I tried wearing them again, only to realize that I’m past the age of tolerating restrictive clothing. Although my body and weight have stayed the same, I’m no longer comfortable in clothes that look good but don’t feel good. So, without hesitation, I tossed them into the old clothes recycling bin.
最近去逛了UNIQLO，才驚覺現在流行的是寬褲管牛仔褲，甚至都要拖到地板的長度和寬度。寬褲的販售區域遠多於緊身牛仔褲的區域。流行真的是會重複。曾經流行過寬褲，後來又流行緊身，現在又開始流行寬褲了。這麼一想，其實不管什麼衣服都很耐流行呢，就算過了當下的流行，過個幾年就又變成流行了。
Recently, I went shopping at UNIQLO and was surprised to find that wide-leg jeans are now in fashion again, so wide that they almost touch the ground. The section for wide-leg pants was far bigger than that for skinny jeans. Fashion truly is cyclical. Wide-leg pants were once in style, then skinny jeans became popular, and now wide-leg pants are back again. Come to think of it, clothes never really go out of fashion. Even if they do, after a few years, they’ll be trendy again.
意識到自己「改變」了的事件，還有與我生母的關係。
One more event that made me realize I had “changed" is my relationship with my birth mother.
直到現在她依然被我刻意地不去處理，或者說其實已經處理完了。
To this day, I still deliberately avoid dealing with her, or perhaps, I’ve already dealt with it.
自從她生病之後，為了避免她產生不必要的期待，除了前兩天去醫院陪伴，接下來再沒見過面也沒聯絡，我的內心裝不下她，沒有餘裕關心「他人」。
Since she got sick, to prevent her from harboring unnecessary expectations, apart from spending a couple of days with her in the hospital, I haven’t seen or contacted her again. I just don’t have the capacity to hold space for her, and I don’t have the energy to care for “others.”
把心思只放在自己重視的人事物，原來就是這種感覺。內心會清楚告訴自己，我想付出或我不想付出。
Focusing only on the people and things that truly matter to me — this is what it feels like. My heart clearly tells me when I want to give or when I don’t.
前幾週阿嬤身體不適，結果不是什麼大礙，但是我從知道消息的那刻心臟就跳得很快，很焦慮、很擔心。相較我得知生母的狀況，雖然大腦知道她的狀況嚴重，但我的內心沒有任何共鳴，即使失去了她，我知道自己也不會難過。
A few weeks ago, my grandmother wasn’t feeling well. It turned out to be nothing serious, but the moment I heard the news, my heart started racing with anxiety and worry. In contrast, when I learned about my birth mother’s condition, even though my brain understood how serious it was, my heart felt nothing. I know that even if I lost her, I wouldn’t be sad.
那些與生母之間失去的光陰，都是阿嬤在我的身邊，所以對於生母生病，我沒有產生任何感受也是很合理。
All those lost moments with my birth mother were spent with my grandmother instead. So it makes sense that I feel nothing about my mother’s illness.
我的改變就是：內心餘裕有限，不要做無謂的互動，把時間和心力放在真正珍視的人事物。
My change is this: my emotional capacity is limited, and I won’t engage in meaningless interactions. I’ll devote my time and energy only to the people and things I truly value.
以往的我會為了顧及他人的期待和感受而勉強去做其實不想做的事情，現在不會了。
The old me used to force myself to do things I didn’t want to do, just to meet others’ expectations and feelings. Now, I don’t.
連工作上的情緒勞動我都會盡量減少，因為那些人對我來說：不重要。
Even at work, I try to minimize emotional labor, because those people are not important to me.
遲來的啟蒙 Start From Here Now 