死亡是原子的消散。
Death is the dispersal of atoms.
古典哲學有一派是「原子論」，認為萬物的出現並非神蹟，而是有原初之物(原子)偶然且偏斜地碰撞、聚合之下而產生的，靈魂和心靈也是由原子產生的，因此都是物質，都是會朽之物，沒有所謂死後的世界或是輪迴，因此也不存在神、鬼，死亡就是原子離去，沒有什麼值得悲哀或恐懼的。若有神，那麼神處於恬適寧靜的境地，也不會對人世間的俗物有興趣，甚至創造人世間的萬物。
In classical philosophy, there is a school of thought called “atomism,” which argues that the existence of all things is not a divine miracle but the result of primordial particles (atoms) colliding and aggregating by chance and slight deviations. The soul and mind are also composed of atoms, meaning they are material and perishable. There is no afterlife, no reincarnation—no gods or ghosts. Death is merely the departure of atoms, nothing to mourn or fear. If gods exist, they reside in a state of tranquil detachment, uninterested in worldly affairs, let alone the act of creation itself.
當承受不住痛苦時，我會想像斷氣的時刻，因為自怨自艾是有快感的。
When I can no longer bear the pain, I imagine the moment of my last breath—because self-pity carries a certain pleasure.
阿德勒：「人在困境時才會顯現出真正的人生原型」，我想我的人生原型就是個逃避者。
Adler once said, “A person’s true life archetype emerges in times of adversity.” I think mine is that of an escapist.
因為當感到情緒壓力，我最自然的紓壓方式就是想像死亡。
Whenever I feel overwhelmed, my instinctive way to relieve stress is to picture death.
想，在高樓開窗往下跳；想，血肉模糊的自己；想，感到錯愕的親人朋友；想，我的物品被燒毀；想，不再有我的世界；想，那個世界如同往常運作；想，有我無我沒有任何不同的世界。
I imagine opening a window from a high-rise and jumping.
I imagine my body, mangled and unrecognizable.
I imagine the shock on the faces of my family and friends.
I imagine my belongings being burned.
I imagine a world without me.
I imagine that world continuing as usual.
I imagine a world unchanged, whether I exist or not.
想，感到悲傷的親人朋友；想，他們的哀傷只會持續一陣子；想，有我無我這世界沒有不同。
I imagine my loved ones grieving.
I imagine their sorrow lasting only for a while.
I imagine the world remaining the same, with or without me.
想，拿把鋒利的菜刀劃手腕；想，我有那個勇氣嗎；想，我是個不怕死但怕痛的人；想，如此懦弱的人談什麼死；想，我還是繼續無謂地活著吧。
I imagine taking a sharp kitchen knife to my wrist.
I wonder if I have the courage.
I remind myself that I’m not afraid of death—just pain.
I mock myself: What right does someone this cowardly have to talk about dying?
And then, I carry on living, pointlessly.
這種無謂的想像會持續很小段時間，可能是幾小時或幾天，我總會找到事情轉移注意力，像是2024年11月讀的蔡康永的著作《你願意，人生就會值得》。
These pointless thoughts last only a short time—perhaps hours, maybe days—before I find something to distract myself. Like in November 2024, when I read If You’re Willing, Life Will Be Worth It by Kevin Tsai.
印象中我只讀過蔡康永的《那些男孩教我的事》，雖然每次去書局看到暢銷書櫃上擺著蔡康永的書，但從沒想過要讀，這次因為聽了蔡康永上《博音》，就買來讀讀。剛好2024年下半年一直處於一蹶不振的狀態，讀這本小書剛好。
The only book of his I’d read before was The Things Those Boys Taught Me. Though I often saw his works on bestseller shelves, I never felt compelled to pick one up. This time, I bought it after listening to him on Boing Podcast. It happened to be the second half of 2024, when I was struggling, and this small book arrived at the right moment.
處於低能量狀態，所有的力量都用來保護自己僅存的火焰，讀這本書讓我剛好認識到自己對於他人漠然的一面。認知到自己這樣的本質，雖然有點感傷，但更多的是，我不勉強自己付出、不讓自己為了符合他人期待而去做不想做的事情，我終於敢這樣做了，然後沒有愧疚感。
When you’re at your lowest, all your energy goes into shielding the last flicker of your inner flame. Reading this book made me recognize the indifference I often show toward others. Acknowledging this part of myself was bittersweet, but ultimately, it allowed me to stop forcing myself to give more than I wanted to, to stop doing things just to meet others’ expectations. I finally let myself say no—without guilt.
對你自己的故事好奇，那是每天起床的唯一理由。
Be curious about your own story. That is the only reason to get out of bed each day.
有什麼好不願意的呢？ 4.你不需要了不起的故事，你只需要你的故事
即使每天嚷嚷著好想死的人，他也有想做的事。他在嚷嚷中把死亡暫時推得稍遠一點點，呼吸得更用力，察覺自己還活著。
Even people who constantly say they want to die still have things they want to do.
In their complaints, they push death a little further away, inhale a little deeper, and realize they are still alive.
輕輕揉捏成習慣 14.樂趣是重要的生產力
不要認真想取悅全世界。沒有全世界，只有一個一個對你而言重要或不重要的人。
請精挑細選，對人對事，都精挑細選，才不會疲於奔命，卻又覺得不值得。
Don’t try to please the entire world.
There is no “entire world”—only people who matter to you and people who don’t.
Be selective. In people, in things.
If you choose carefully, you won’t exhaust yourself chasing what isn’t worth it.
有什麼好不願意的呢？ 8.向一個人證明自己就夠了
這些文字放在草稿裡很久了，總算在情緒穩定的現在讓它浮出水面，作為一個生活紀錄它仍是有價值的。
These words have sat in my drafts for a long time.
Now that my emotions have steadied, I’m finally letting them surface.
As a record of life, they still hold value.
遲來的啟蒙 Start From Here Now 