發表於 Some Thoughts

一世紀的夢 A Century’s Dream

認清本質,於是不會抱持崇高理想而處處看見不順心的事物而氣惱。

To recognize the essence of things is to stop clinging to lofty ideals—and thus avoid constant frustration when the world fails to align with them.

近年讀了些書,視野廣了點,膽子也大了點,和長輩雜談時還算能表達些許立場。常和長輩聊著聊著就又繞著同樣的議題打轉,因近期剛好有所感,於是就說了「到如今才大夢初醒,這國家早在一世紀前結束了,我們是遺民呀」。長輩笑笑,我再說「這麼想才終於解脫了。」

In recent years, I’ve read a few books. My perspective has widened a little, and I’ve grown bolder. These days, I can more or less articulate my stance when conversing with elders. Often, our chats circle back to familiar topics. Recently, prompted by a passing thought, I said, “Only now have I awakened from a long dream. This nation, in truth, ended a century ago—we’re but remnants.” My elder smiled faintly. I added, “It’s only by thinking this way that I finally feel free.”

雖說是遺民也怪,畢竟從沒有集體認同的一統對象,我們自古有的便是當地的認同感,和一大國無關。但說是遺民我才終於能將有所圖的意識摒除在我身之外,那些爭論原來都只是虛幻的泡沫,只是在魘裡說夢話的人們喋喋不休、不肯睜眼。

It may sound strange to call ourselves “remnants,” for we never truly had a unified object of collective identity. What we’ve always held is a sense of belonging to this local place—never to a grand nation. But in calling myself a remnant, I finally cast off any lingering ambitions for what could be. The endless debates—turns out they were just illusions, frothy bubbles of dreams muttered by those still trapped in a nightmare, refusing to open their eyes.

這塊土地上長不出理想的果實,有的只是順勢而生之民。

This land bears no fruit of ideals. Only people who learn to live by following the currents.

發表於 Daily Life

青春期 Adolescence

近期迷上一直以來都好奇卻打不起精神研究的《紅樓夢》。

Lately, I’ve become fascinated by Dream of the Red Chamber—a book I’ve always been curious about but never had the energy to really dive into.

但用閱讀的方式對我來說還是有難度,尤其文中牽涉到古典詩詞的部分,很難領略。於是找了蔣勳細說紅樓夢的音檔,邊聽邊讀,聽已把紅樓夢翻來覆去幾百回的人分析文中的人物趣味,總算能體會到《紅樓夢》之所以為經典之價值所在。

Reading it on its own is still quite challenging for me, especially the parts involving classical poetry, which are hard to fully appreciate. So I found audio recordings of Chiang Hsun’s commentary on the novel and began listening while reading along. Hearing someone who has pored over Dream of the Red Chamber hundreds of times analyze the characters with such insight finally helped me understand why this novel is considered a timeless classic.

目前正聽讀完第九回 〈戀風流情友入家塾 起嫌疑頑童鬧學堂〉,這回是在講寶玉和秦鍾至義學堂讀書時的故事。這回充滿了代表青春期的各種混亂心境與行為,作者對於青春期的描寫真的非常深刻,即使隔了230多年,現代人仍能對裡頭人物產生共鳴,真是了不得。

Right now, I’ve just finished reading and listening to Chapter 9, “Qin Zhong Studies at the Jia School and Baoyu Gives Way to Adolescent Passions.” It recounts Baoyu and Qin Zhong’s experience studying at the family school. The entire chapter is full of the confused emotions and impulsive behaviors that define adolescence. The author’s depiction of this stage of life is incredibly nuanced. Even though it was written over 230 years ago, the characters still resonate deeply with modern readers—which is remarkable.

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發表於 Daily Life

意外的收獲 Unexpected Gains

最近正在讀《印尼etc.:眾神遺落的珍珠》,於是當老闆聊到受殖民的國家時,馬上現學現賣,我提到印尼在二戰結束宣布獨立之前,一直受荷蘭殖民。荷蘭東印度公司、荷蘭政府統治殖民印尼長達340餘年。另外印尼是萬島之國,國土擁有17000餘座的島嶼,但6成的人口居住在爪哇。

Lately, I’ve been reading Indonesia Etc.: Exploring the Improbable Nation. So when my boss brought up countries that had been colonized, I was able to put what I’d just learned into use—I mentioned that Indonesia had been under Dutch colonial rule until it declared independence after World War II. The Dutch East India Company and later the Dutch government ruled Indonesia for over 340 years. Also, Indonesia is a nation of islands, with more than 17,000 islands, though 60% of its population lives on Java.

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發表於 Some Thoughts

思緒垃圾 Mental Garbage

近期因為職場上人事物總有不可抗力的變化,讓人容易變得多慮,而那些憂慮真的都是多餘、不必要的煩惱,因為「不可控」啊。

Lately, due to inevitable changes in people and situations at work, it’s easy to become overly anxious. But all those worries are truly unnecessary—because they’re uncontrollable.

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發表於 RelationshipsSome Thoughts

不滿足 Dissatisfaction

總是會失望,永遠無法在他人身上獲得毫無瑕疵的滿足,而他人同樣無法在我身上獲得百分之百的滿足。

There is always disappointment. One can never attain flawless satisfaction from others, just as others can never be fully satisfied by me.

只能在自己身上獲得沒有任何折扣的滿足。

True, undiluted satisfaction can only be found within oneself.

認知到這點,自然會放下對他人的期待。不再期待他人滿足自己的期待。於是心結便開了,他人帶來的滿足感隨之上升。

Once this is understood, expectations of others naturally fall away. I no longer expect others to fulfill my expectations. As a result, the knots in my heart begin to loosen, and the satisfaction others bring starts to increase.

不再追求「滿分」,只要「有分」即是幸福。

I no longer chase a “perfect score”; as long as there’s some score, that is happiness.

像是自欺欺人的論點,但確實能帶來一直以來嚮往的幸福感。

It may sound like self-deception, but it truly brings the sense of happiness I’ve long yearned for.